Don't Say Nay

This morning, in downward dog on a gross mat in the basement of the gym, my friend approached me to say she heard I was running New York this fall. I instantly heard myself say "Yeah. But I think it was a mistake."

Then I remembered saying the same thing to someone else who recently asked. My outdoor runs have occasionally felt as though, rather than human, I am actually a bag of rocks.

But when I found out I won the race lottery, I was happier than I had ever been. That was only a couple months ago.

How and when did I become my own worst critic, months before the performance even began?

I guess some New Yorkers (see picture) would understand the knee-jerk self-doubt that creeps in. But, look, this is happening. So, this post is just to document that I hereby cancel my own naysaying from now on. I might believe it but I won't say it.

Half of the fun is supposed to be the months-long opportunity to get attention for something you really don't even deserve credit for! It's like being visibly pregnant. "Oh! Look at you. Something's happening to you. I suppose you think you're the shit."

Why not? No one's throwing me a shower but I should still act like it's my little miracle.

The whole episode this morning made me think of the modern phenomenon I hate most--life coaches. Now I'm in the position to self-help myself into cheerleading my own marathon prep. I'd rather die than look in the mirror and say "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough..."

What's worse, though- and really more inauthentic- is pretending that I can't do it or have been defeated already.

So here's to enthusiasm and positivity. I'll leave with the inspirational words of the original life coach:

“More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.” -Woody Allen